If I could Turn Back Time

No, this has nothing to do with the lyrics to Cher’s song.  Did you think it did? Better yet, did you started humming to the song? C’mon tell me, I know I did :).

But yes, recently I’ve been thinking about that—turning back time.

There are probably a bunch of things that I would be doing differently now, and if I had the opportunity to somehow go back in time and be my own Jiminy Cricket (conscious) to a younger me, these are things I would have said to myself:

High School

“Girl, you better have a great reason for starving yourself—and it better not be because of boys.”

“You don’t need to hear that you’re pretty from others because deep inside you already know you are.”

 “Now don’t put that book down!”

 “I know reading isn’t “cool” but you know you love it, so get back to it. Besides, I so know you’re aching to know how it ends.”

 “Why aren’t you writing anymore? You better not tell me it’s because you are busy watching MTV or 90210 since everyone else does it.”

 “You know that alternate ending that you just came up with? You should write it down. You might be up to something.”

 “You so want to write fanfiction for that anime you’re watching. Doo iiiit!.”

 “What do you mean you don’t know what you want to study in college?! Deep inside I know you want to read and write all day. Look into English.”

 “Oh! Better yet, you should consider Creative Writing in college.”

 “You better snap out of your low self-esteem soon before I slap you.”

 College

“Okay. So your English professor passed you with a B, don’t let your pride get in the way. It’s okay. Just keep going. Get that English degree woman!”

 “I know your family wants you to get into business but you don’t. So don’t.”

“See, your English professors are asking why you aren’t majoring in English. It’s your passion get back into it. Switching majors more than once it’s okay.”

“Again with that pride of yours? That is not taking you anywhere.”

 “That boy is bad business, trust me on this.”

 “You won’t get anywhere until you learn to love yourself first.”

 I did some pretty stupid things that I regret and my lack of self-esteem did affect me a lot. My insecurities and pride made me not continue with something I was passionate about and I have ask myself so many times, “Why did I think or act that way?”

Turns out, I have no real explanation.

I don’t know about you, but I like to play video games (especially RPG) and they usually have two endings: the regular ending and the alternate ending. The alternate ending takes a little more effort to achieve. It’s usually a lot more time consuming since you need to obtain so many more items or pass the side requests, but once you actually complete it there’s a sense of accomplishment. Yes, you might YouTube it and watch it but it’s not the same as actually taking the time to actually pass it yourself.

Sure, I would love to turn back time.

Yes, I would tell myself most of the things I quoted. If not more.

But you see, if I would have taken the regular path—the path I wanted to take but didn’t. I wouldn’t have met the many people I have met. I wouldn’t be as confident as I am today. I wouldn’t be the dreamer and fighter that I turned out to be. I wouldn’t have met the man I am extremely in love with at the moment.

I wouldn’t have been me.

I am very much aware that I am taking the longer route to reach my goals because of the mistakes I’ve done. But it’s okay. Do you know why?

My alternate ending will be a lot more special.

So just remember, we all make mistakes and have thought of the too many “What ifs” but what we do after is what really matters.

Just because you haven’t reached your goal yet or because (just like me) you’re taking the longer route that does not mean you won’t reach it. It just means you have to work harder for it.

Until next time,

Eva

We should regret our mistakes and learn from them, but never carry them forward into the future with us.” ~ L.M. Montgomery